This is a big question. A question you are absolutely right to be considering. So let’s take a look at how we can guide you through and get you to a position where you can feel confident moving forward.
Firstly it’s worth considering that you can’t know for sure what his reaction will be. He may be waiting for your contact. Many fathers don’t feel it’s right to make contact with their children, they have the opinion that they left once already and it’s not fair to impact on their children’s life, even if their children are now adults. Dads are usually aware that they might not have been particularly well discussed by the mums they left behind and so again, their usual way of coping is to move on with their lives. Hopefully that gives you some hope that far from forgetting about you, he probably hasn’t tried to contact you because he’s thinking of you and trying to protect you. He’s worried about what you think about him. He’s worried of if you want to speak to him. So consider all those things, basically it works both ways and if you’re thinking about something, chances are he is too.
So how can you move forward? Well to keep this really on the topic of contacting your Dad we’ll skip past the finding of him and presume that you know where he is. You can find out where he is by putting a listing on Missing You or using a people tracing company to locate him. Once the location is done and you know exactly where he is. It’s really important to understand that how you make the initial contact with your father will determine the strength of any future relationship. I’ll say that again because it’s really important, how you make the initial contact with your father will determine the strength of any future relationship.
Now your father will have moved on, he will not have forgotten you but it is possible he re-married and had a family and that none of them know about you. There again it’s possible that they do. You don’t know either way so I think you must always presume the former and ensure that you walk on egg shells. So knocking on the door and shouting surprise will probably ensure that your dad won’t want to speak with you after all this time as you could have just caused him massive irreparable damage to his current life. Now presuming this is low on your list of priorities let’s have a look at the right way to contact him. We’ll skim over these here so make sure you check other blog posts for more detailed approaches.
1. Use an intermediary service
An intermediary will make that all important first contact. They are professionally trained and will make sure that everything is smooth and everyone is happy before they bow out. Easily the best way if you have around Â£500 to do this.
2. Be your own intermediary
Send a letter. Make sure that its privately addressed to your dad. Make sure you send it recorded delivery and then sit back and wait. I wouldn’t put too much information in your letter as it might bamboozle him. I’d also ensure that you only put one way for him to contact you. Otherwise you’ll be constantly checking your phone, post, email and it could drive you crazy.
Make sure that you are prepared for a long wait. Whilst it might have been a good time for you to make contact with your father, it might not be quite right for him so be patient. He might have a few things to sort out before he contacts you.
Congratulations on making the decision to contact your father and I hope in some small way this article has helped you when it comes to contacting him and making sure that you does want to speak to you after all this time.